those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
