By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
