i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
