i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
