awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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