I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I could fuck to npr.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
