I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
