I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
