we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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