No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
