so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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