Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize