nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
