My liver just broke up with me...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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