Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
