would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
