I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
