After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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