Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
