my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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