I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
