no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
