rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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