okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
