Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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