oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
