aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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