People in love make me want to vomit
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
