I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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