i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
