my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
