I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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