8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
