So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
