I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
