very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
