my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
