By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
