Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
