well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
