how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize