Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
