My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize