how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
