STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
