I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
