im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ladies don't puke and tell
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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