do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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