I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
