Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
