Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
