im holly from the hills drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
