Moan for me like Helen Keller
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
