haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
