i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
