...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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