somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
