whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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