We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
