Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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