So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
