Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
