I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
