i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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